We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
