i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
