There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Houston, we have a blender
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
