Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
