i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
