So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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