If i come over, it means nothing
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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