My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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