FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
