I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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