The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
