Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
