I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
