You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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