WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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