When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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