who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
