come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
