i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
4 words: hood of his car
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
