3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
