well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
