She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
