six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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