I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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