It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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