just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
