but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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