imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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