You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
