this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
