did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have aggressive nipples.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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