I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
