I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
