i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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