I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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