It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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