I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
