A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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