SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
