wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
