No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
