i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
