conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
