I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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