I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
not ubering you a puppy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
