update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
