dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
