when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
