After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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