I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
