He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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