I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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