my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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