Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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