maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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