So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
