Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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