Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize