well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
