Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
