So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
