She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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