My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
