fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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