I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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