The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
