I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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