Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
