no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
