you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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